Why Am I So Angry These Days?

I've always been a pretty happy-go-lucky, glass-half-full kind of person, which I've long attributed to my upbringing. I grew up the youngest of five kids with parents who were teachers. I had no business "connections" or nepotism to take advantage of, and with four older siblings, I was well aware nothing revolved around me. I always had to work incredibly hard for everything, but on the flip side, when I did work incredibly hard I was always rewarded, which is a nice feeling. When something didn't go my way, I'd be upset but I'd also remind myself that things happen for a reason and trust there was some reason.

Fast-forward to today. I have more than I ever thought I would achievement-wise, materially and personally. And yet, increasingly I'm more irritable, more demanding, and feel more entitled -- and hence angrier when things don't work out the way I'd like.

That's had me wondering all week: What has happened to me? I've come up with a few culprits:

1. Success. Doing well in a competitive industry often means you possess qualities that don't make you a very content, easy-to-be-around person. In short, to convince people you deserve things over others, you have to believe it-- hence the entitlement thing. And once you've had any measure of success the balance between having nothing/everything to lose tips in the wrong direction. You're on a treadmill that's moving faster and faster and the pressure to keep up is harder.

2. I'm Just a Jerk. Maybe I've just turned into more of an entitled jerk as I've aged? My mom always said people's true natures emerge more the older they get and the more fatigued they get with putting up a polite filter. Wow. I hope this isn't it or I'm really going to suck in another decade or so.

3. Instant-Gratification of Technology. The Web and gadgets like BlackBerries, iPods, iPhones, laptops and Kindles have spoiled us. We can now have anything we want at any moment we want it: The etymology of a word, that actor you saw and can't quite place, that song you want to hear this second, etc. When you live a super-digital lifestyle you get seduced by that kind of master-of-the-universe control, which of course doesn't exist in the real world even for moguls.

4. The Economy/Mass Uncertainty of Media. I've been pretty lucky not to lose any income or jobs during the downturn. But new opportunities aren't flying through the door at the rate they were. Since I'm self-employed and my industry is crumbling all around me, maybe that self-preservation insecurity is seeping into my subconscious in ways I don't realize. 

5. The August Doldrums. I have no clue if there is such a thing. But somehow as my schedule has slowed down, I'm both crankier and accomplishing less. WTF?

Anyone else experiencing any of these?

Here's my plan to turn things around and end August in a better mood:

1. Start running again. An hour of hardcore cardio is the best cure I know for handling stress and anxiety.

2. Saying no. This month has been tough because it's the first time I've been in town for a long stretch and I want to see everyone. But it only stresses me out more because I'm not getting my to-do list done.

3. Work harder. I've been trying to take it a bit easy this month, as 2009 has been pretty hardcore. But the reality is, I'm happier when I'm accomplishing more, even if I'm exhausted. That sucks because I'd rather just go shopping or see a movie.