And Now a Facebook Rant from Mr. Lacy...
This is a guest post by my husband Geoff Ellis. Add him on Facebook at your own risk! ;) Maybe it's just me, but I am tired of people assuming I will add them on Facebook just because they press the "add as a friend" button.
Maybe it's because I am old and expect people to have some etiquette.
Maybe I don't understand that the online world doesn't need to have the same rules as the real world.
Imagine someone ringing your doorbell, you go to answer it, open the door, and that person comes into your house without saying a word to you. They sit down, look around, go through your stuff and still never interact with you. This is what happens on Facebook ALL THE TIME. If you are going to friend someone, send a note along with your request. If I don't know you and you want to be my friend, tell me who you are and why you want to be my friend. My Facebook is way more "my space" than MySpace was for me. It holds a lot more personal stuff and if I don't know you, why would I bring you into my house?
The same goes for old friends. I have recently received requests from people I haven't seen in 10+ years. They sent no note, and I accepted them back into my life. Once I did so, I sent a note back with the "how's it going, what are you up to?" spiel. Guess what? Out of 6 people, I heard back from one of them. That was 6 months ago and still no word from the other 5. It's just plain rude. What are they doing with my friendship? Letting it rot as is was before? Hanging out on my Facebook pages silently and enjoying my stuff without ever letting me know?
I talked to a 24 year old who says she never thought about sending an introduction note to people she doesn't know. Is it an age difference? Or is it just me? There have to be other people out there who are annoyed by this sidestep of the social contract. If you lack decorum, please don't try to be my online friend. I will leave you in the forever limbo of the more than 2 dozen friend requests that I have not accepted.
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Hiya Geoff. Breeeaaaathe.
I only add people if I don't mind if they follow me. With regard to people who sign up and then don't respond, I say cut 'em some slack. First off, many of them are technology newbies and don't understand about the care and watering of online relationships. They're still back in email-land.
Secondly, the Facebook UI bites so badly that it just doesn't really tell you if you have an email. You have to click on InBox, and I think that it took me several months to get around to doing that (and I am VERY SAVVY). Pathetic, but true. So if a friend of yours is now a teacher somewhere in the midwest or whatever, and she friends you, let it be. Whatever. We assimilate new tecstuff at warp speed here and many other people take a loooot longer to do so.
I let some of my old work buddies onto Facebook but only rarely do I put people I don't know and like on there. I reserve Linked In for that.
Posted by: Cat Mikkelsen | June 03, 2009 at 07:50 PM
@KateSanford: Thanks for the comment! Don't worry, I am breathing. And I do cut some slack. I still add people I know who don't send notes, but after 3 years (or however long I've been on FB) it finally hit a nerve with me. It's constant. People I don't know and friends alike - both tech savvy and not - continually ignore a simple hello. And it's not so much a functionality issue, because when I get in touch with someone from my past it's because I actually want to talk to them, not just add another friend to my curio cabinet.
Posted by: geoffrey ellis | June 03, 2009 at 10:51 PM
Hahah, Geoff has some pent up frustration. :) I wouldn't say it's an age thing — I don't send notes, but I also don't add people unless I know them. Nor do most of my friends. Among my friends, Facebook isn't like MySpace; it's less about "meeting" people and more about just connecting with people you already know. Sometimes if someone adds me saying "I read your blog" I'll add back if there's a low creep factor... but other than that, I actually personally know all uh, 1200 of my Facebook friends.
Posted by: Teresa | June 03, 2009 at 11:32 PM
My thoughts go with yours, I do the same for my Facebook Account too. I prefer unknown people to send me a note, at least, introducing themselves, be it they are friends of my friend or long lost friends, its just a courtesy..or perhaps, we treat our friendlist like our personal life?
Like you said, its like our own house. We dont simply let anybody in. ;)
...AND it's not because you are old hehe...
Posted by: Shelly | June 03, 2009 at 11:40 PM
Hi Geoff, I actually do agree with you. This year is my 20th high school reunion (ACK! sooooo old) and I've started seeing an increase of friend requests from former high school classmates. The difficulty is I don't remember who these folks are and I would prefer that more information was included in the introduction. I hate to say this, if I can't remember who the person is, I just ignore the friend request. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not the only one who thinks like this =)
Posted by: Cece Salomon-Lee | June 04, 2009 at 10:59 AM
Dude I'm with ya. I hate to sound like my parents since I'm only 34 but honestly I lose hope for humanity when I come across young people's profiles on the various social websites. Who thinks it's cute to capitalize every other letter? It's fuckin stupid and you look like an idiotic asshole. I feel a rant coming on, I'm gonna go sneeze and hope it passes. Just don't say God bless you before it happens.
Posted by: Timothy Kephart | June 04, 2009 at 02:02 PM
C'mon. It's all small stuff. really. Suck it up, princess. :P
Posted by: Jé Maverick | June 05, 2009 at 12:33 AM
Totally agree. I didn't use to, but I do now. I'm 25. I call it "social espionage".
aj
Posted by: AJ | June 16, 2009 at 04:53 PM